Updated: Jan 13
I think few people are aware of how they define themselves people realize. Ask someone how they define themselves and there is usually a long pause. I don’t think many people give it much thought because they don’t see the value in knowing who they believe they are.
In reading the book Atomic Habits, the author explains a concept that I learned while getting my graduate degree in psychology: people try to implement new habits by controlling their actions. In fact, solution-focused coaching even works with clients on the same premise, which is to develop action plans to get you from point a to point b. I’ve worked with several clients under this process and some accomplish the goal, but others do not.
Why? How are some people able to get to accomplish their goals while others don’t get make much if any, progress? How are some people able to accomplish a true “rags-to-riches” story while many others don’t?
The answer lies in what they believe about themselves and what they believe they can accomplish. When our behaviors contradict what we believe about ourselves or what we can accomplish, we will default to what we believe. This is why we do things “mindlessly” or “without control.” We are operating from our true beliefs.
People who are in poverty don’t want to be there. The weight loss industry wouldn’t be a several billion-dollar-a-year industry if people liked their current weight. If someone living in poverty believes they can’t do better then they won’t. If someone believes that eating highly processed, sugary foods will improve their emotions, then it will at least for the moment. If people believe they can’t resist temptation, they won’t. If people believe they have to lose 30 pounds to enjoy life, they won’t enjoy life in the present moment. If someone describes themselves as middle-class, they will stay there.
Want to change your life, start with what you believe about yourself and what you can accomplish.
Want to know what a deep coaching session is like? I am currently starting a project to offer 1000 complimentary coaching sessions. I have a couple of goals for this project. First, to get better at coaching. The more I do, the better I am. The second is that many people in the middle class don’t really know what coaching is and how it can help them. This is partially because many coaches cater to the wealthy. I have a passion to reach the middle class because they are the forgotten group in the socio-economic class system. I see many coaches catering to the wealthy and many programs to help those in a low-income range, but not so much for the middle class. Plus, it’s the group I have the most interactions with in my life.